Thread:Okaminarutofan999/@comment-30094524-20190708134114/@comment-8479011-20190708144442

We have talked about it; so much that I feel like there's nothing else to really say about the past that we haven't already mentioned and acknowledged. I feel like our last talk about it was enough closure for me personally, though I obviously don't know what you think of that.

As for why I joined the chat and conversed with you? I don't know. I promised myself that I wouldn't since I know of our past issues just as well as you do. I guess I was just feeling nostalgic for the days on the Corpse Party Wiki that were calm and pleasant; not drowned by people with ill intentions and nonstop drama. It's a shame that I can no longer see those 3 or 4 people that used to be active there on the chat anymore. It's just empty now. I was so used to seeing at least one other person there on the "Live! Chat" option on the right of the Wiki that it just felt weird to me. And even now I still wish for those days back, even though I know it'll never happen. Like we've already discussed, Corpse Party is a dying fandom, and the few fans it does have don't have many things to say about the series that hasn't already been said. It truly is a shame, but at least I'm an active (or at least more active than I used to be) part of a much larger fandom for a series that is still very much alive. It gives me something to look forward to and I've met many nice (and not-so-nice) people as a result.

I'm going to be referencing our past conversations a lot, but again, I know that there is a good side to you. I've seen it. That kind part of you was most prevalent in our calls, even if we didn't always have a lot to say and do. And that's fine; it's nice to just spend time in a friends' company and something doesn't always need to be going on for a friendship to work. Sometimes I feel like we disagree on that, and I know that's caused a lot of discourse between us before.

We both know that I struggle with communication. Even with my closest friends I can go a while without saying anything. Not because I dislike them or want to distance myself from them, but because I'm waiting for when I actually have something that I can successfully start a discussion about. Oftentimes when I force myself to start or participate in conversations it never goes well for me; I just become even more awkward than I normally am and I don't feel comfortable or like I'm being sincere. It just feels fake, and I'm sure no one likes feeling that way with anyone. I can admit that the way I work and handle things is odd and would definitely go against many people's idea of what conversations and friendships are all about, but that's just how I am. I don't like to force things to happen; I prefer to just let things flow naturally instead of struggling each day to form discussion topics. There's only so much to say to people that you don't have that awfully much in common with (not saying that we don't). I feel like if we actively forced ourselves to think of things to say it would only further stress us out and make the friendship not as enjoyable. We struggle a bit since we've already talked about most of our interests to death and I have a hard time getting into new things. I'm not sure if you're the same. It's just hard to stay motivated long enough to finish new shows, especially if they're on the longer side.

I know I'm just rambling on at this point, and even repeating things I've already said countless times, but I'm trying my best to explain my point of view so maybe you'll understand.

I'm not completely against the idea of being in contact with you; I'm just afraid that you may expect more of me than what I can give. You're having IRL problems and so am I, on a daily basis. I'm in constant physical and mental pain and a lot of the time talking to people is forced to go down on my list of priorities if my situation outside of the internet becomes overwhelming for me. Most of my other friends know and respect this, and while I know that you try your best to be understanding and patient I feel like it becomes too much for you. Not that I'm calling you a bad person, as I can get why. I know that I'm difficult and not the easiest person to talk with actively, but I try. A friendship with me isn't for everyone; I know that firsthand. And if it isn't for you I'll understand that. I'm not against us moving on from each other either if that's what we need.